Greetings, lords and ladies. Di Wei is backkk!

Seriously, though. 

I've gotten my feet back on the ground lately, after all that wrangling with more issues that I care to remember, and some actions which remind me of a macaque monkey shaking his red arse around, shouting "LOOK AT THIS, LOOK AT THIS!" Heh heh, I like your backside, my dear friend, but not when you do that.

Well, anyway, I'll segue into personal musings a bit. I do think that I can be more than I am right now. My life has been interesting thus far, but now I see I really can and don't mind doing something more. There's a lot to be said about the power of the mind and the will in changing life's situations.  Furthermore, frankly, life breeds perspective and understanding the more it goes on.

However, I can't possibly forget about me. I guess I need to expand myself in order to accomplish more and do things, but I can't forget about the core of who I am. What of it, eh? All tossed when I find new pastures or when it's inconvenient? Naww, I'll do well to remember them. I'll have to remember the importance of family and religion especially. They help when I go on inconvenient tangents of self-development and self-inquiry.

God is hope, even if one thinks He doesn't exist. That's one of the essential qualities of religion.

Also. If you're J2 and taking a break from A studies, fret not! Keep up the good fight.
 

Let's see.

I will not flame out, I will not flame out...

How nice to have a few days to rest and hang with friends, and a few weeks to rearm for the real As!

On a side note, I got a nice letter from the Navy today. I do like the RSN, and it's good of them.  They've been the only organization to consistently send me scholarship and recruitment mailers at home, which all things considered is rather telling of their need for manpower. Ahh, I won't be able to choose my vocation when I go in to NS, but I would like to go there for various reasons. 

Pity I don't have a physics/engineering background. Those applied science skills will be directly relevant to most military vocations.

More next time. Ciao for now!

There’s really something I’ve learned recently.

This is a little hard to type. I don’t really have the words for this, so I’ll try my best and bear with me. I’ve changed after a few experiences here and there. This is first and foremost a valediction. Despite having given this post a fair bit of thought, I don’t have the words to summarize it very much, so read on.

Relationship matters for me have been hit-and-miss, really. Their enduring legacy of late has been the fact that I’ve been able to see myself and everything else in a different light. It’s a paradigm shift. Nope, I’m not referring to the rose-tinted specs that we’re all supposed to have. I’m not sure how to capture it in words, but you may know what I’m getting at.

It’s a simple shift in the way in which I see myself and how I relate to the people around me. Live not just for a few things or living passively. It’s a change in points of view. That I can wholly accept myself, and the fact that I can and want to constructively contribute to the environment around me. Some call it an uplifting of the spirit, or growing up to be a man; hey, hell. The philosophers and sociologists can say it better. As for me, all I know is that it is a change, and I’m loath to go back.

It doesn’t make me perfect. It’s clear that I’m still my ol’ fallible self. Besides, this is something all chaps go through at some point or other, and it’s nothing to shout about. If anything, it just makes me more me. Ambition, hopes, actions, all melding together into one. I’m going to make as best use of it as I can.

Regrets, I’ve had a few, as Sinatra put it. However, nearly every action in every aspect of life is a mix of judgement calls, circumstances, and God knows what, isn’t it? Oh, there’re definitely things in life one wishes went differently. However, I choose not to renege on my judgement calls. It’s hell, but there it is.

I came across a quote once saying that taking ownership of one’s past makes one’s present better. I didn’t get it when I read it, but it came clear to me a few months back. I do come across as wishy-washy sometimes, thanks to my willingness to challenge my values and assumptions. It’s clear to most that I carried this to extremes in the past, but it’s better now. I’m happy that I’m managing this as best I can, and thankful for the help here and there, in private consultation. You all know who you are; and I'm thankful for you.

That’s that. Actions speak louder than words at this point. If you were wondering, imma not trying to get back in anyone’s good books, or prove myself. First, I’m busy as hell and hardly in the mood to be fooling around with, hem, courtship-related matters now. Another time perhaps, if objective circumstances change. Ahh, breathtaking grande amour and lounge lizarding can be had in time. Also, more importantly, trust, whatever, can’t be commanded on my say-so in these circumstances. They can be inspired, at best, and I’m not in the business of emotional manipulation. It’d be charming to inspire it, but what the hell? It’s a bitch, but that’s it. Besides, I’ve a family and friends to live for.

Well, my brother and my parents need me to keep myself tightly wrapped. Thankfully, it’s not because of financial or whatever issues. It’s simply because it's who I need to be. Also, it's for myself. I have to live. Fine then, I now appreciate myself as a young adult, and especially my creative abilities. It’s as if I’ve been handed the keys to a castle of clockwork: to create, to grow, and to live as part of myself. So I’ll do that as best I can.

I’ll continue to consolidate these gains. I’ve seen what I can do, and I’ll do it. Actions speak louder than words at this point.

A friend told me to look forward, not back. I’ll do that: and if I have the opportunity to go back and pick the best out of my past, I’ll do that, too. Now, let’s go on.

Ahh, je vous aime toujours tout de toute façon. Haha.

My HTML window's functioning again! This is a great recording thanks to the ambient sounds and the guitar. If you have good speakers, give it a try.

See you all. :)